I’m going to compile a list of some absolutely shocking things people have said to me. Here it is.
“Do you have eggs in England?”
We don’t by the way, hens lay chickens without the egg.
“This is English Fish and Chips, the sign said it was, what you have must not be proper English.”
This was after discribing fish and chips as scampi and tortilla chips. I protested that this was not true English fish and chips, I was corrected.
“Mayo isn’t Mayonnase.”
Even I can’t comment on this.
“Do you have the Internet there?”
“No, I phone my friend and he types things for me.” (me)
“Oh, you have phones?”
This was on IRC. I’m serious. PS: It was a WebTV user.
“Well I have the Bible in English, and that’ll be more right”
Silly me, the Greek version of the New Testament must be wrong in comparison to your translation of it…
“I don’t like coffee, I only like lattes, cappuccinos and espressos. Oh, and those flavoured ones with coffee in them.”
Quite! I forgot that those weren’t coffee.
“I can’t call you on skype, my phone company won’t let me call long distance.”
Those phone companies, always getting at you!
“What’s your USA area code?”
“I don’t have one, I’m not in the USA, you call my international number, start with +44…” (me)
“OK, what’s your USA area code.”
“Because I’m not in the USA you don’t need to call one.”
“Oh, OK!” …thirty seconds… “OK, so before I put in your number, what USA area code do I use?”
Try 911…
“I’m from Africa, I’m African.”
“Um, you live in France, your parents were born in France, surely that makes you French?” (me)
“NO! My grandfather was from India and my grandmother came from Brazil!”
My geography is really not good any more… I always used to think Brazil was in South America.
“King Arthur must have been real, there was a film about it!”
Not the best I’ve heard, but the one I can remember.
“Being male, girls often confuse me entirely…” (me)
“That’s sexy coming from a lady”
“I’m male…”
“Oh, sorry, I thought you liked girls.”
This still doesn’t make any sense to me.
“Deodorant makes you not sweat.”
“Actually that’s antiperspirant, deodorant is meant to prevent smell, often deodorants are antiperspirant but that’s not their main job.” (me)
“No, DUH! Deodorant makes you not sweat, why do you think it’s called deodorant”
“De-odour? Like remove odour, as in smell.”
“Yeah! See!”
“Where did that explanation mention sweat?”
“Nowhere.”
“My point, deodorant removes odour, as in smell, not sweat.”
“NO! It removes sweat.”
Didn’t they admit to me being right then claim that I was wrong?
“Police need guns in case they need to shoot someone who’s like shop lifting. If the police have guns and the shop lifter doesn’t then it’ll be ok”
I see. Your reasoning is full of logic.
PS: Incidentally, I don’t object to armed officers carrying guns, I just like to see logic in an argument.
“You do know what happened in Vietnam, don’t you?” (me)
“Well, I get loads of my clothes there.”
“I mean the military stuff, you must know about it.”
“No. I don’t watch the news.”
This guy claimed to have a High School Diploma (for those who don’t know, this is a generic diploma issued by USA high schools at about the age of 18) in which he’d taken US history and ‘World’ history.
I’ve come to the end of my first edition of this. I’m sure I will write more, and I’m sure people will say more amazing things to me. I will be back!
Kind regards, Robert.
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Mummy! I want to be stupid when I grow up!
Sunday, December 9th, 2007I’m scared. I suppose this doesn’t have quite the impact due to my rather bad paranoia, but it should.
I’ve recently spoken to children who actually told me that they wanted to be stupid. No, I’m not joking. No, these weren’t children who were in any way stupid or mentally challenged. Yes, I really am scared.
How is it that someone could honestly desire to be stupid? Children in Africa pray for school, they love it, they walk miles and miles for school just to learn a little. Apparently it’s out of fashion to like school in the wonderful civilised West. Apparently it no longer matters how we speak on the Internet, we can be guilty of shortening words, of using the wrong words and even worse and it not matter. I beg to differ. Actually, I don’t beg, I differ even if you don’t like it. I despise this ‘phonetic English’, moreover because I do not believe that it’s a true representation of the differences between words. There are many more vowels than there are in the alphabet, or we would have no need for vowel combinations. To simplify the orthographic representation of a language which is already absurdly simplified in it’s correct form must be pure folly. It’s a shame that the perpetrators often do not understand that they use words which already exist and so make their sentences ambiguous, even more that they probably don’t know what ambiguous means.
However, our lingual culture is not the only thing which is being attacked; learning other languages, mathematics, history, the sciences, etcetera. Why is it that we consider it our holy right to force our language on others without even beginning to learn theirs? What’s more it seems we require them – if they are to be foolish enough to stumble onto our Internet – to understand our slang and misappropriation of words. It’s little wonder that French workers are notorious for pretending not to understand English, when they’re having to put up with a barrage of media and culture which gives little heed to them or their wishes and furthermore often uses them and other ‘foreign’ cultures as objects of mockery. In fact, how can we be surprised that this does indeed cause anger and distaste. Just look at the way that many tourists act, many take drunk and disorderly to a whole new level.
Although at times maths is hard, often taxing and mostly seems directly irrelevant to you and the rest of your life it has more benefits than you may have thought. A little thought brings me to the conclusion that you probably already know this, as you are still reading. Doing maths helps keep certain parts of your mind active, those logical parts which help you on a daily basis. If you’ve ever done weights you’ll know that being able to lift heavier weights makes smaller weights a lot easier. The same works with maths, the bigger and more complex mathematics you can do the faster and easier you can do the simple stuff. Those areas of your brain are more exercised and handle the small jobs faster. Not everyone uses all parts of advanced mathematics, but a lot of people use areas of it.
As humans we have a considerable list of large mistakes to our names. Many of them involve not learning from previous mistakes, this is something we’re very good at. The old adage of putting your hand in the fire and not getting burnt may work on an individual basis but does not appear to work on a collective level. In spite of this history is apparently ‘becoming irrelevant to everyday life’, even though watching today’s events we see historic events playing out again. Nationalism becoming support for Nazi-like governments, laws designed to protect us being used against us, and giving up our ‘liberties’ for the promise of ‘freedom’. Until we learn from the lessons of the past we must appreciate that history is a lesson we cannot forget.
We trust scientists and technical engineers for our everyday wants and needs. We trust medical science to keep us alive, we trust mechanical and structural engineers to keep us on the road and from being crushed by our homes and places of work, we trust software engineers with our daily schedule. Why then is it that we still label these people ‘geeks’ and ‘nerds’ and despise them for it? The age we live in is becoming increasingly IT based yet anyone who knows much more than how to turn on a PC can become the target of ridicule. Those who chose to study the area are often lacking in basic skills, take a class of young IT students and ask them to build you a PC and you’ll understand what I mean. How can it be possible that anyone should wish to drop these sciences from our curricular?
I feel that part of the problem could be in the media they are fed, it is considered possible for someone who understands little about life and is in all other fields completely useless to become a ‘celebrity’. This becomes the aim of many people, and so a something-for-nothing culture has become rife. Thank God (or possibly Satan) for Simon Cowell.
So, please, instil in any children you meet a need to push their boundaries and really learn something. Pop stars may have their place, but we can’t all be famous and stupid.
Kind regards, Robert.
Tags: Media, Rant, Social Commentary, Society, Stupidity
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